i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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