I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
