She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
