How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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