cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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