meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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