Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
