4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
someone owes me an orgasm
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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