My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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