I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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