hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
