WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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