Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
