Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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