"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize