shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
