to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Is it because I queefed?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
