Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
