There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
