I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
