I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize