Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
