would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
