We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
