I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
