like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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