I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
