I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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