somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
