There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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