So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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