Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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