I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize