Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
