We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
