Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
