i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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