Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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