Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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