Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize