come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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