dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
