i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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