our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
