Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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