Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
