Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
