.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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