this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
