i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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