There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
