VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
