i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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