hotel room ftw
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
