I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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