Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
