So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize