can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
