Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
