i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
