Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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