I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
