STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
