Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
