Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
