how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
birth control should be required to get into college
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
