Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
