Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
