i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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